Recently I wrote an article called “Emotional Tsunami” . First, let me thank all of you for the wonderful feedback! It was amazing how many of you were going through similar experiences. Some of the feedback I received also contained some great questions one of which I would like to address in this article.
I have written many many times about letting go of hurt, anger and resentment. I have tried to make people see that when you hold onto those negative emotions the only person you are hurting is yourself. I will tell you that I had a huge epiphany a couple of years ago that changed my life! I finally realized that everyone has the right to think, feel say and act however they want. It is really that simple! People can do and be whoever they want! We have got to respect that! WOW! Think about that! If you can truly understand that concept then there is no longer a need to argue with anyone, change anyone or defend yourself. You just simply accept them for who they are. Of course, while you must respect their right to be whoever they are..YOU also have the right to choose what is acceptable to you. So the bottom line is while they can be however they want they can’t be that around you if it is not what you want! That is where boundaries come in.
Boundaries are another topic I have written about many many times. I have covered everything from how to set boundaries, how to stick to them and what to do when those boundaries are crossed. When it comes to boundaries the main issue I always see is that people don’t feel deserving of setting boundaries aka “asking for what they want and not allowing what they don’t”. They don’t want to set a boundary and hurt someones feelings or they don’t want to start an argument. You must remember that your happiness is in your hands! If you allow other people to treat your poorly, hurt you over and over again then YOU are choosing to stay in that drama.
Now that we have done a quick review of letting go and boundaries lets get to the one question that keeps popping up. “How does unconditional love, letting go and boundaries all fit together?” How do you walk that fine line between letting go and boundaries? GREAT QUESTION! So lets look at this. Some people (usually the ones who are not treating you right and not respecting your boundaries) seem to think that if you love them unconditionally then that means you have to put up with their bad behavior . They seem to think that because you “let go” of something they did or said that you should then just allow them back into your life and accept their continued bad behavior. Any of this sounding familiar? So lets clear this up right now. There are going to be people in your life who are so negative, so toxic….those people who constantly cross your boundaries time and time again. Sooner or later you will choose to disconnect yourself from them. It may be for a brief period of time or it maybe forever. Just because you disconnect that does not mean you do not love them. You are simply setting a boundary. Love and boundaries are two completely different things. I can love you and I can forgive you for hurting me but that doesn’t mean I want to continue to have you around me. So if I choose to disconnect myself that doesn’t mean I didn’t forgive. It simply means I am choosing not to surround myself with negative, toxic people who time and time again disrespect my boundaries. That does not mean I am not good at letting go. It means I am GREAT at respecting myself! It means I am GREAT at taking responsibility for my own happiness!
We seem to be living in a world of poor me pity party entitled people who think it okay to do whatever they want to us. It is truly becoming an epidemic in our society! While it is nearly impossible to completely avoid these types of people it is always possible to take a step back and ask yourself “is this person toxic to me”? If the answer is yes then you let go and set your boundaries! After all you are the boss of your life! You are the gatekeeper of your inner circle! YOU get to choose who you allow in and who you don’t!