February is the month of love. I use to hate the month of February. I disliked it so much that every year I would post a picture of cupid with an arrow going through him. Everywhere I would turn there were flowers, hearts,s and couples in love. GAG! There was just no escaping it! Now, you probably guessed that during those years I was not in a good relationship. Honestly, I was convinced that freaky little cupid had something to do with my misery. God knows it wasn’t MY fault! I was near perfect after all. Okay, stop laughing. I am psychic, I know you are laughing! My hatred of February continued for many years until one day in a single moment everything changed.
I was sitting at my Reading table and I had just finished up a phone session with a client. I decided to call my boyfriend and see how he was doing as he had been very stressed. For the sake of privacy, I will refer to him as Mr. X. Now just to be clear, for those of you who used to listen to my radio show “Walt and LA Live” way back in the day, this is not THAT Mr. X! BUT I digress. Mr. X was very successful. He owned his own business. His mortgage was paid months ahead (every ex-boyfriend just took a deep breath and went, “Oh good she isn’t talking about me”). He had lots of people around him to help him with whatever he needed. I on the other hand. I was really struggling. I was trying to manage it all as a single mom. I was living paycheck to paycheck. If I am honest, I had a lot of people around me as well but I just never asked for help (I am still working on that). I knew he was extra stressed that week so I thought I would check in and see if he needed help. I really don’t remember every detail of the conversation. What I do remember is him freaking out on me and telling me how he didn’t need a mom, a therapist, or a nurse. He continued screaming at me telling me how he needed a girlfriend and then he hung up.
I remember sitting at my table crying and feeling sorry for myself. I started thinking about all the “failed” relationships I had since my divorce so many years before. I started thinking about all the men I had dated. Some were older, some younger, some successful, some not, some rich, some poor, and on and on. They were all so different. I clearly didn’t have a type. I was trying hard to find the common denominator in all these relationships so I could better understand what was going wrong. That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks! The common denominator was me! Oh Crap! I remember calling a friend immediately after and telling her how I realized I was in my 40s and I still didn’t know how to be in a healthy relationship!
It was then that the work began! As I looked deeper into myself I realized that I was ALWAY playing the rescuer role in my relationships. I was always helping the men I dated to start businesses, improve their careers, reconnect with their children, and make peace with their past. I was always the understanding one. Of course, it is okay you didn’t show up. Of course, it is okay if you fell off the face of the earth for days until you needed something else. It was never-ending. Always settling and never speaking up for myself. Now I do want to take a moment to acknowledge that I have dated some truly amazing men that to this day I would do anything for. Men truly influenced my life in an amazing way and I will always be grateful to them. Of course, I usually ran from them!
Now it was time for a change! I had, pretty successfully, convinced myself I was FINE ON MY OWN (which I was). However, if I was honest with myself I really wanted to settle down again. I wanted a real relationship! I asked myself the most important question ever, “If I am not the rescuer, healer, and fixer then what do I bring to the table”? I am embarrassed to say I really had no answer. In fact, it took me weeks to really redefine how I saw myself. After much soulsearching I realized that I did have a lot to offer. I owned my own business. I bought my own house. I wasn’t the smartest tac on the board but I can definitely hold my own. I was courageous. I was pretty hilarious (at least I thought so). I started seeing more and more qualities about myself that did NOT involve how wonderful giving/doormat I was. I was now ready! I now saw myself differently which made me realize that I was DESERVING having a great relationship! I stopped focusing on all the hurt of the past. I refused to wait around and listen to all the excuses from those who were unwilling and unable to commit to a real relationship.
Now I would love to say that the next day I met my Prince Charming but life doesn’t work that way. I would take some time to date again and really start fine-tuning what I was looking for. I had many tests. I would still meet the non-relationship men. However, this time I wasn’t sticking around. I had a new rule! I would only date men who were ready, willing, and able to be in a real relationship! It didn’t matter how intense our connection was, how good-looking they were, or how many past lives we had together (I know some of you are like, Lisa Ann you don’t understand…we have been together before). I was sticking to my new rule!
Fast forward…this month I will be celebrating my 3rd Wedding Anniversary! This July Kyle and I will be together for 10 years! I can’t even believe it has been 10 years already. Throughout the years I have shared my story of how I looked within, took responsibility, changed my mindset, and manifested the relationship that I truly wanted. Now it is your turn! It is your turn to look within and find that relationship you truly deserve or to take your relationship to the next level.
If I did it ….you can do it!