In case you haven’t heard….it’s my BIRTHDAY MONTH! I have to admit I am still confused about why it hasn’t been declared a National Holiday yet (that’s a joke, please don’t email me with an explanation)! Yeah, here I am with another wonderful trip around the sun under my belt!  It is funny because as I was getting ready to write this blog I started thinking about how cool it is that I share my birthday month with the country! I am not sure why I never really thought about that before. Then I started thinking about how America’s birthday is just a couple of days away.  Good old Fourth of July, Independence Day! Independence Day? Hum, what does it really mean to be Independent? More importantly what is the connection between independence and happiness?

I like to think of myself as a very independent person.  Being divorced I learned very quickly how to be on my own.  I also remember when I first started working for myself. Talk about having to learn to be independent. I remember how weird it felt when I had to make a big decision on my own.  I was so used to always “getting an opinion” or “having a discussion”. At the end of the day, they were my dreams, my goals and it was completely up to me. In both those areas of my life, I quickly adjusted and stepped into my independence.  However, there would be another area of independence that it would take me years to really understand. It was the kind of independence that would lead me to find true happiness.

I have spent most of my life as a people pleaser.  When I look back now I actually find it funny how independent I thought I was.  Looking at the definition of independent (someone or something that is free from the influence or control of another) I can see how I was absolutely not independent.  My need to be liked understood and appreciated left my happiness very much in the control of others! I truly believed that if I just gave more, sacrificed more, ignored more and did more of everything for everybody things would get better.  In fact, my very happiness was controlled by others. Of course, I allowed, yes I said ALLOWED, all of that in my life (I will pause while you yell at me for saying that). Boundaries? What was the boundary? Sticking up for myself? Why would I do that and risk someone getting upset with me?  Expressing my true emotions? Seriously are you drunk right now (another joke)? Removing toxic people from my life? Wait, isn’t my job to save everyone? Wasn’t I the only one on the planet who could fix them? It wasn’t until my entire world came crashing down that I truly understood the real meaning of independence. Now I thank God for those blessings that are disguised as disasters (but that is a topic for another blog).

It is amazing to me how unique we all are.  Seriously, have you ever really thought about it?  There are over 7.7 billion people on the planet (as of June 2019….seriously I googled it) and NO two are exactly alike!  That is pretty darn amazing! Even identical twins have qualities that set them apart. Yet for some reason, which I truly don’t understand, there are a ton of people out there that think we should all look, act, think and be exactly the same.  There are those out there who truly believe we need to do it their way, we need to accept their bad behavior and we need to be at their mercy because somehow their happiness is more important than everyone else.  

SIDE NOTE: THIS IS NOT AND I REPEAT NOT A POLITICAL POST!  As I have said many times…I am smart enough to not talk politics, I am respectful enough to not discuss religion.  Please continue…

Now I am turning 52!  Go me! I like to think that I am not only another year older but I am a little wiser (although I am sure there are some that will disagree (that is not a joke).  I have learned that it is not possible to be happy without being independent. I have learned that it is not possible to truly be independent when you allow how others see you to be more important than how you see yourself.  I have learned to not allow what others think and do define you as a person. I have sadly learned, all to often, that it is a lot easier for people to blame you for their issues than it is for them to look at themselves.  If you are a people pleaser this can literally destroy you if you choose to allow it to.

 I consider myself very lucky that my mom ALWAYS taught me to be who I am!  I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if I was not given the support to be me (or as I like to call it “my true authentic self”). The truth is independence IS the key to happiness!  I am thankful for the experiences. I am thankful I have done the work to truly be independent and I understand that my happiness is completely up to me.

During this fabulous month of MY BIRTHDAY and …okay …okay….America’s Birthday too I challenge you to really take a step back and ask yourself, “Am I truly independent (someone or something that is free from the influence or control of another)”? I want you to think about what you can do to step into your own independence (set boundaries, let go of toxic people, allow yourself to feel deserving).  I challenge you to give yourself permission to step into your happiness. I challenge you to really and truly allow yourself to be your true authentic self!